you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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