he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
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