All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
