I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
We got so high we made milksteak
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
