I hope my margaritas pass through security.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Everyone says I win the strip club
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
