mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
