Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
