My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Randomize
