I didn't shave. On purpose
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
