I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
