Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Randomize
