I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Randomize
