everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
We left an ass print on the piano.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
