Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
