Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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