I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
my poor anus
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
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