My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
