New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I wish you could order shots online.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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