It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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