I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Randomize
