Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Randomize
