Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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