I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
