$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
