i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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