Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
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