Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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