he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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