Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
