i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
You did what with his pubic hair?
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