Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
