Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Randomize
