I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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