you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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