Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
