im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
