Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Randomize
