it was like his penis was on wheels.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
