I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
