I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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