Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
As shirtless as possible
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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