last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
