The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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