he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
