just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
