Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
