i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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