life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
