11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
