Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
