Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
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