I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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