6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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