allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Randomize
