My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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