you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Someone shattered a urinal.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
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